Right now, my daughter is in the other room watching "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", something I haven't seen in years. I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen trying to get a few things off my chest. I've been feeling a bit off lately. In all aspects of my life. I think I know why, and it's a bit awkward. Now that my daughter is 2 and exponentially more independent, she could do well to spend time away from me (and the inside of our house) and start to interact with children her own age. I don't think I'm ready just yet to go the daycare route, as it is quite expensive and impersonal, but I know we are soon approaching the time. With this in mind, it seems only natural that I would take a step back from being just a mother to being me again. It's high time to again pursue my dreams and goals, ones that don't involve diaper changes. The awkward part of all of this, is that I don't know what it is that I would like to go after. I have several things in mind but none seem to be a great, or outstanding, idea. I have always relied on my own judgments and intuition to make my decisions, but lately after making a few raw choices, I have started to second guess myself. In fact, I knew they would be bad choices since the day they popped into my head, and frequently had panic attacks and sleepless nights leading up to the execution, but still, I went ahead with it. I am now reaping the consequences of such poor selections and I can't help but kick myself. They say we are our own worst enemies, and with this, I couldn't agree more. When can I stop punishing myself and move on? I've always had trouble letting go and starting over. I have yet to find that particular switch in my brain that will allow me to do so, I guess I have to keep looking.
How do I detach from being "just a mother" to being so much more? I know that bettering myself will enable me to give my daughter all that I've ever dreamed of. With this in mind, where do I begin?
Comments (3)
While I'm not just a mother, it's hard to be beyond mothering mostly because this has been my life non stop for 4 1/2 years. My children are a huge part of my life, because I enjoy their company and like being around them (most of the time) but of course I am more then just Mama around here and get some down time. One thing that helps is we aren't just here by ourselves all the time. We have a neighborhood playgroup we meet up with. My kids get some kid socialization and I get adult conversation. Best of both worlds.
I have the opposite problem. I can't imagine being a stay-at-home mom. I just don't think I have the patience for it. Congrats to you!
I kind of live in between. I consider myself a sahm, but I work from home, which requires me to work outside of the home about 1 day per week. Most of the time I'm home, which is nice. The only advice I would give, is don't push yourself too fast! Your daughter will only be little once, and the years go by so quickly (as you know). Sometimes the thing that our kids need the most is us!